just-married...musings of a new bride...
just-married...musings of a new bride...
just-married...musings of a new bride...
just-married...musings of a new bride...

Fun with letters

2004-03-10 | 11:14 a.m.
Okay, I can not longer buck the trend. Today I feel compelled to do that whole imaginary letter thing. Just call me a lemming.

Dear Girl Scouts:

I have discovered your secret. Your Thin Mint cookies are laced with crack. How else to explain my desire to eat whole boxes at a time? I ask that you desist at once or I will be forced to roll myself out of the house and report you to the proper authorities.

Dear Music Community:

Embrace the subjunctive. The following song titles are definitely NOT part of the solution “What if God Was One of Us” “Damn, I Wish I Was Your lover” etc. It’s WERE, people. Learn it, live it, love it.

Dear California Weather:

While I enjoy a heat wave as much as the next girl, and relish the ability to wear flip flops at the beginning of March, please keep in mind that I have no air conditioning. So while 80 is a lovely day, 90 is me lying on my living room floor in a sweaty puddle. Just a thought.

Dear Donald Trump:

I find you utterly repulsive. Yet despite the fact that it is basically an hour long commercial for all things Trump, I love “The Apprentice” with a fiery passion. Please stop being so self-adoring and generally smarmy so I may watch the show with less internal conflict. Also, try to come up with some better prizes. Ten minute with you? Please.

Dear Yappy Dog Who Lives Next Door:

Stop it. Seriously. I hate you so very, very much. I never realized how much until I spent a large chunk of time and money to put in a garden which I cannot sit in for five minutes without you convulsing into piercing little dog barks. I think my dog could swallow you. Don’t make me test that theory.

Dear Plants In My New Garden:

Please grow. I know the dog keeps stepping on you, but I ask that you persevere.

Dear TiVo:

I have never loved any inanimate object the way I love you. You have improved the quality of my life. Let’s never part. But please stop doing that thing where you don’t change the channel and just tape random channels instead of the ones that have the actual show I want to watch. However I do love the way you tape things I might like. It’s so thoughtful, and it enables me to see random episodes of South Park and a movie about killer bees.

Dear Sleep:

We were once the best of friends. Please come back. I miss you more than I can say.

Student teaching begins - 2005-02-20
Three more days!! - 2005-02-07
Weekend recap - 2005-01-31
Oh the hate - 2005-01-26
Yay for staying home! - 2005-01-24

i carry | your heart

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